I'm lost and stupid without you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
