Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
