my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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