what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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