More tranny stories later!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
