all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
