So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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