So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
