We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
