yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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