There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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