did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
