i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
