I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
