im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
