It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
