wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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