That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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