How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
