Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
