Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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