literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
