I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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