Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
