I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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