i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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