I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
