Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Welp...herpes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
