member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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