he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
