I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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