I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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