I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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