What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
