can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
