Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
