I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
