Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
