In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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