she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Panties = found
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
