I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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