I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
