I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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