I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
