its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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