i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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