is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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