Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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