if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
