I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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