My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
