IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
