great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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