I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
