he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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