God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
