If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
