Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
