we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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