She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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